suggestions anyone?

ok so heres my first issue. I cant eat when I wake up, all the way until like 9pm. Thats just the time I get hungry. I decided to eat when im hungry but FUCKKKK i dont wanna eat after 8pm but this would mean id never ever eat (who says this is a bad thing right?) hehe. unfortuanately I know i need to bring my metabolism to something so that i can continue to get the fucking fat off me. ugh im just super frustrated and for some odd reason...

unmotivated? like wth I know I shouldnt put a piece of chocolate in my mouth. the damn vending machines play mind games with me everytime i walk into or out of my building. I wish i could just kick the cravings all together, or find alternative routes out of the building that didnt take me to some outlandishly far place. ugh!

Im off to the gym right now. but seriously i need help, because i never know what the right thing to eat is or if i should even bother eating at all because obviously im not hungry. but i know its bad to eat at night. ughh. help? id greatly appreciate NICE comments. loves

xoxo

Fresh for spring

Hey everyone! Sorry I havent posted on here in a while, super busy with finals week and getting fired was really stressful, blehhhh. ill use that as my excuse for gaining 4 pounds. But I am back on track and in the right direction. I hit the gym today for 2 hours and have only had a smoothie today (which was bad enough, about 300 cals) but its already late, gotta head to a student panel and tour of the campus that im helping out with. Then by that time it will be time to head to the library for some quality study time. I have 2 days to get this english paper finished.

Anyways back to my dieting. I decided o allow myself up to 700 cals a day (i hardly ever eat this much anyways, unless im trying to) just so that I can work with figuring out the best ways to boost my metabolism for the next 20 pounds. I have until april 15th to be 20 pounds lighter. Spring break is this friday so I know this will be the hardest time to stay focused. (mother always force feeds me at herhouse) one of the pleasures of dormlife is that my roommate cant sit around and force me to eat. lovely! My mom sent me a care package for finals week and when i opened it all this candy and junk fell out all over the place. and i mean JUNK! candies, cookies, chips, cocoas, cup o noodles, you name it and some fat fucker found a way to fit it into these poor care packages that they send to nearly every freshman on campus! what the hell!?! give me money to get my nails done and relieve stress or something. haha im thankful, but i wasz pretty bummed that the only consumable thing was a few packs of tea, and even those were questionable brands. Anyways im still in gym clothes and this post is turning into something way longer than i had expected. Hope all you ladies are enjoying the weather starting to look better. springs right around the corner! lets think think bikinis!!!


xoxo

-B

.daylights saving time =)

So saturdays are my cheat days. not super cheat but over the past 24 hours I think Iv consumed small amounts of some of my favorite foods. (not going into any more detail, just know that 7-11 is the devil) I just got back from hangin out with a friend and decided to post at literally 4 in the morning. daylights saving time is a killer. I really wasnt in the mood for working out today either. I got to the gym and completely said forget it. it was really wierd. usually i look forward to workouts but for some reason mixed with my cheat day and the terrible week i had. i just wasnt up to it. hmmmm so tomorrow i have this family dinner thing so no more than 600 cals and it will be my only meal....most likely. than goin out with jaz to the club tomorrow. Im super excited and cant wait to go out. Alen looked at me today and said that he could super tell i was losing weight. He asked what i was doing and i just said i picked up a few more gym hours. I swear he knows about all of my food issues but refuses to accept the fct that they really DO EXIST. its just one of those things we dont talk about i guess. But feeling really tired so im off.. nighty ladies

stay strong =)

-B

my stupid fucking worthless life

So my dumb fat ass ugly four eyed stupid lifesucking racist daughter of a real FUCKING CUNT boss fired me today because I was 26 minutes late to work today. Let me inform all of you that my job is on the campus of my school and this is registration/finals week where everybodys schedule is hammered with extra unplanned shit. I have been waking up every day for the past few days at 5 to register for classes and each day the fucking classes i wanted were all filled. So i went to my counselor this morning and he helped me sooooo much and got me into some classes i really needed. (relief) of course i was running late, called my manager (she told me it was fine) then after i leave work (my other bitch ass manager) calls and was like oh you were late and we have a no tolerance for tardies. you stupid racist bitch ass whore every fucking other bitch i work with can call out sick every fucking day and who would they call to pick up the shift??? ME! and who works 30 hours weeks on a 19 hour max work limit? ME! and who is the best, quickest, and most accessible worker? ME! im so pissed I dont know what to do. I was supposed to be done with my fast yesterday but for some fucking reason I cant eat anything. I thought yesterday it was just because I was coming off the fast, but today i mentally told myself while walking to get a sandwich that i did NOT NEED THE FUCKING FOOD, walked my fat ass back to my dorm and cried. am i going crazy? i feel like i am.....someone help me..i feel like dying.

high....perfectionist

Me? a perfectionist? never. This girl in the picture? Pure thinsporfectionist!! hhahaha like my made-up word? Anywho I feeling absolutely euphoric right now. I didnt consume ANY calories for the past 3 days. Simply water. I decided to cut down on the sugar part of diet soda and BOY DOES IT HELP!! lost 5 pounds in 3 days. I stopped smoking while on this fast. I guess because I wanted to mentally challenge my mind. I remember this guy talking about how eating disorders were a mental disease and NOT a choice. I BEG to differ by saying that it is hard AS FUCK to not give into the temptation of foods luring evilness. I not only hate to even think about food but thinking about consuming it drives me crazy. Sometimes I think of foods I want all day long and it takes every last drop of water and magic I put into my body to keep me from eating it. && Im not saying i dont binge, believe me, i binge....but for some reason, i feel raaaather confident after this fast. I allowed myself 3 saltine crackers after my workout today for an hour and a half. I know the sodium is a killer in those things, but looking at my fat ass roommate pig out on all sorts of chocolate things makes me feel very strong still. Tomorrow will be a fruits and veggies and water day depending on the amount of hunger i get. I still need to lose 55 pounds by June 6th. That is my complete transformation date && i couldnt be more excited nor determined. I love getting on here and reading comments and others tips and tricks because it keeps me motivated and going!! Love you guys...think thin =)


<3BJ

holy crap.

Im so down right now. I went to this school dance on friday night and one of my facebook friends tagged me in a pic (i was trying to avoid cameras) and I swear when I saw it online a few minutes ago I wanted to cry. so much fat over my stomach that i looked pregnant. I am so embarassed I dont know what Im going to do. I havent eaten all day long....I probably wont eat tomorrow. Im entering this part of my ED where i dont even need food.. Its always on my mind which is why i sometimes loose my willpower but Im so addicted to my magic pills that I have zero appetite for the most part. I need this weight gone guys. Im really going crazy. I swear i pop 28 pills a day and drink water bottle after water bottle with some diet cokes and diet snapples in the mix. I want the resul.ts to come faster than this! if i werent so sick id go work out but I feel theres so much phlegm in my throat I cant even breath. Just took some nyquil so i should be knocked out in a few minutes. lol. sweet dreams everyone, stay strong!!