feeling lighter.

looking lighter. awwww so many people are starting to notice my weightloss and I couldnt be happier. Im currently down 20 pounds in the past 2 months and Im super happy about it. at this rate I will be down to my 115 in no time. all I do is pop my magic pills all day and drink water....oh and smoke, because I cant seem to give that up without eating massively!! eek its friday night and I want to go show off so I think me and alen are gunna go partyyyy. You guys have no idea how much of an inspiration you all are. I may not post everyday but I am always on here looking at your pages and looking for advice and thinspo and weight losses that you all are having that is really helping me stay focused. I dont see how anyone could hate Ana. Shes helped me sooo much and I have absolutely no intention of stopping. I watched alen eat a whopper last night and almost puked. and of course he drank and got sick so i was even more glad that I dont eat that nasty shit anymore. Americas food is sooooooo bad for you. no wonder half the country is fucking obese!! lol

I felt o bad for my manager at work because the entry to the back counter is particularly A small fit in between. She had to back out with these boxes and had the audacity to make fun of her by imitating a semi as it backs up "beeep beeep wide load coming through" omg i was embarassed for her. So think she needs my diet plan....


hmmmmmm comment me =)
lets chat ay?

<3

=)

so Im back in compplete control. I felt a little crazy the past few days but I am sooo ready to be on track and focus on my goals and what i need to do for me. Iv been feeling super depressed lately, dont know exactly why, but i know that im tired of it and i just want my control back. im headed to the gym now. I gained 2 pounds the past 3 days so im pretty upset but hey, im gunna workout very hard the next few days. keep yall posted =)

back in action

hey everyone. missed writing to you guys. i was at a really high stress level and a really high fat level so i kinda went into a seclusion of everyone and everything except exercise and water. now im down 12 pounds and feeling stronger than ever. Last time was the last time i vow to binge ever. there is no way food should be controlling my life like that. I am in control and I will lose the weight, and so will all of you guys if you stay positive. I just discovered diet snapple last night which is zero cals and super sweet in taste...My new best friend next to water of course =) anyways Im headed to an intense couple of hours at the gym. Thanks to all of the commenters I got on my last post, i really needed that support!! Love all of ya. stay strong && think thin =)

i hate myself

Im totally being a pussy and crying my eyes out right now. I came to my moms house for the weekend and i knew this was going to be a big challenge. I did well for the first 2 days not going over 500 cals, but today i was so busy that i just didnt eat. so about 20 minutes ago i made this soft taco and told myself id eat it if i just threw it up. I tried and tried and tried and just couldnt do it. my stomach was killing me. i need to drink something to just make me throw up. then i cried to my mom and she hugged me and said that my figure looked fine, to hell with thta im a fat fucking cow. i hate myself i dont know what to do guys....seriously i feel like dying right now. my stomach has this taco in it and all i can think about is getting rid of it. maybe i should go running or do like 1000 crunches......i hate my life right now. in order for me to be able to smoke after this im not eating for 2 days. thats right, no food until tuesday with alot of working out in between that time.

xo
BJ

staying strong

I finally decided that I would write down exactly how many calories Im allowed for each day for the next 3 months. Along with consequences if I fuck up that will NOT make me happy, one of these consequences is that i wont be able to smoke, which i cant seem to get enough of so Im pretty sure this will keep me from binging. hopefully, second day on this and Im doing swell. I had alot of waer today, a 100 calorie fat free yogurt and half a turkey and swiss on 9 grain (230 cals) hmmm 330 calories for today!! yay me

think thin ladies<3


BJ

do you think your a failure?

Soooo basically I was going through my comments (thanks to all of my followers) id be huge without you guys...seriously. and my first msn friend tulip, shes the coolest no doubt and the strongest woman iv seen in a long while. But basically I have been feeling like a complete failure for a while. I know that its hard ladies but we have to stay strong and work towards our goals. the weight will not lose itself....we have to stand up and be positive towards eachother and not leave crude comments or comments to make others feel any lower than they already feel (and trust there are just those days when i feel like a speck of dirt) but I found this inspirational quote and I just want all of you ladies who think you are failures to take this in, stick up your head, and think thin <3

"Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up?"-anonymous

BJ

today has been going superrrr splendid!!! Breakfast- hadda skip it because i wanted to sleep in a little before class. lunch- apple, water and fatfree yogurt, dinner? will probably be nothing because i have officially decided I will NOT eat after 7pm any longer and since I have a dating forum to run tonight until 8, i will just take some hoodia and call it a night with lots of water. alen told me today when i got out of the shower that he is seeing major improvements on my body. Never once has he judged me for my ed and for that...i love him forever, hes truly my best friend forever, haha enough of me being mushy. I just love having someone to talk to about food all the time even though i dont eat it, lol. anyways, hope you guys are staying strong and wish me luuuckkk <3

BJ

pain

uggghhhhh my stomach is killing me. ever go a few days without eating, get really drunk, hungover, and realize you have nothing to throw up o your just sick like all day?? omg this is me. im never drinking again i swear. lol. but anyways no class today (cuz im skipping) gunna go straight to the library and catch up on all of my school work. yay me! im super tired as well, i need a food meal plan, one that tells me how many calories i should be eating, the times i should be eating, and of course WHAT i should be eating, along with like a workout plan. im super confused, been lookin on the internet but i always just seem to find myself gazing at thinspo. this sucks..i just want all the fat gone....and NOW. i have 4 months to lose 40 pounds. i need a strict plan. helppp =(

as long as Im thin

I have not been doing as well on my so called "fast" ugghhh. pretty depressed about how that bagel and cream cheese blew over in my face. anywho, fieldtrip today for science class. at least this gives me incentive to not eat absolutely anything for the next 6 hours, then head straight to the gym. but iv lost weight so heyyyy yay me! i need a really good scale for my dorm. sick of having to go alllll the way to the gym to weigh myself everyday. guess that means i should work out....

b-water
l-water
d-

day 3

hmmmm so this is my third day fasting. they say this day is the hardest, I got some hoodia 500 last night and some colon cleaning pills. hopefully when I weigh myself today i will have seen some results. I feel so bad cuz i had a can of regular coke last night. 130 calories which actually means i blew my fast but i am not eating any food whatsoever and that was the only thing besides water id had in 2 days, i will not let that happen again. But anyways i stayed the night with alen and did my taxes today (2200 coming back) yeeeaaahhhh!!! savin up for me and alens trip to miami. Must be thin and rich by june 6th!!! that is my ultimate goal. But anyways i have a midterm tomorrow and i havent even cracked the book yet. wtf im such a failure i swear. but im going off to study for the day. and thanks to kat for the comment on my earlier blog. hopefully this fat phase wont last weeks and weeks. the skinnier the faster, the better =)

think thin loves <3

BJ

her back

Is gorgeous && thin....beautiful bones

.day one.

mmmmm. o my first day of fasting was actually pretty easy. the only thing im thinkin is bad is the 16 ounce americano i had today. I put 2 tablespoons of soy milk in it. bad right?? but today i occupied my time soooooo well. I made myself try to look pretty then me and alen went and walked around campus taking ridiculous pictures in random places. hahaha he is seriously the best friend i never got in high school. and hes the only person I talk to about my ed. thank gosh nobody knows. but who could tell, im still a cow anyways...but after we did that i went to work and then worked out. I swam 20 laps and did the stairmaster. Im such an idiot because I left one of my gym shoes in the dorm. i was sooooo determined to work out that I just wore my flats instead. I swear i looked like a retard...But anywho I stepped on the scale after coming out of the sauna, and WOAH, I LOST 6 POUNDS IN 4 DAYS. which made me superrrr happy because its actually the first weight iv lost since the holidays which makes me super happy. I still have a long way to go. (gw- 115-120) but im going to keep on going with this fast. ooooh and sugarfree cinnamon gum. (ana`s crack for me) =) seriously....

stay strong everyone <3

xox
BJ

10 day fast.

ok so im sick of binging and being to afraid to purge. I need to lose this weight. I am starting a 10 day fast today. tips would be lovely? ana buddies?? anyone want to join me and we can keep eachother motivated =) yay!! (btw) the pic on the right is me. yes I know, im huge....working on being as thin as the pic on the left. now SHE is beautiful!)

think thin
xox